This all reminds me of the waiter who came to the guest's table with his thumb immersed in the soup.
"What are you doing with your thumb in my soup!" the man asked
"The doctor told me I had to keep it warm." the waiter replied.
"In that case," suggested the man, "Why don't you stick it up your arse?"
Waiter replied "I did while I was in the kitchen."

Rog

P.S. I'm not suggesting of course that this would be appropriate treatment for an index finger.