Deer lard, Amos. Eddie Cantor is rolling over in his grave, and my reputation is being sullied by your lack of musical knowledge!

If you knew Susie, like I know Susie
Oh! Oh! Oh! What a girl
There's none so classy
As this fair lassie,
Oh! Oh! Holy Moses, what a chassis
We went riding, she didn't balk
Back from Yonkers
I'm the one that had to walk
If you knew Susie, Like I know Susie
Oh! Oh! What a girl!

If you knew Susie, like I know Susie
Oh! Oh! Oh! What a girl
She wears long tresses
And nice tight dresses
Oh! Oh! What a future she possesses
Out in public
How she can yawn
In a parlour, you would think the war was on
If you knew Susie, like I know Susie
Oh! Oh! What a girl.