TRUE CONFESSIONS TIME!

When we got clobbered by a couple of hurricanes a few years back, the US Gubmint was kind enough to pass out Meals Ready to Eat (MREs) to help us fend off starvation until power was restored. Among the many suprises in an MRE packet, one is likely to find a packet of cheesish stuff akin to manually operated Cheez-Whiz. I say "manually operated" because it comes in a foil envelope, not an aerosol can. You have to poke a hole in the foil and squeeze the envelope to get the stuff out. Among the other goodies is some sort of thing that's not quite a slice of bread, not exactly a cookie, and definitely not a cracker or a biscuit. We christened them "Orc Biscuits" because we imagined they resembled the rations that would be issued to an army of Orcs preparing for a long battle march.

Now, here's the amazing thing: The manually operated Cheez-Whiz alone is totally inedible, and the Orc Biscuits are an abomination, but if you slather enough of the former on the latter, the result is downright addictive. I suspect there's some sort of chemical raction that takes place when the two are mixed that causes the brain to release chemicals that would be illegal if they were smoked. Since MREs are usually consumed by military personnel, not victims of natural disasters, I suspect the aforementioned addictive effect is a ploy to insure high re-enlistment percentages.