I was at a singaround last night and someone struck up with "The Black Velvet Band". Every time I hear this, or join in on it (which, thank God, isn't very often), I can't help thinking of the words as taught to me by an old friend who'd served in Northern Ireland with the 2nd Battalion the Scots Guards.

In which the last lines of the chorus go: "And her hair hung down to her arsehole - Tied up with a black velvet band".

Unfortunately, last night, I drifted off in the middle of the song and, without thinking, sang these lines loudly and clearly. I didn't actually get my coat as I don't think anyone heard...