On the other hand Google did find this for "clarinet penis"...

Clarinet Repair - a "true story"

This story comes from Larry Long, 2nd bassoon of the Owensboro Symphony, who swears it is true. He works as a woodwind repairman at Music Central in Bowling Green, KY. Last week a woman called the store asking for a repairman. The reconstructed conversation follows:

Woman: I need a repairman to come out to the house immediately.

Larry: Well, Ma'am, we don't usually make house calls. Can't you bring the instrument to the shop?

Woman: No, you don't understand, this is an emergency. My son has his penis stuck in his clarinet.

Larry: Well, Ma'am, what do you expect me to do?

Woman: I want you to come get it off!

Larry: Ma'am I'm really sorry but I can't do that. You'll have to call 911 or take him to the emergency room.

Woman: No, you don't understand, I don't want the doctor to hurt the clarinet, because it's not paid for yet.

This is the end of the story as related, but Larry says several questions come to mind:

- Which end of the clarinet?
- E-Flat?, B-flat, A, or bass?
- What Is going to happen to this kid the next time that he hears a Sousa march?