"...my life goes totally out of control... "

hmmm... I guess that makes me wonder who tries to control what. But it is obviously better to NOT get serious and try living with someone, than to have tedious conflicts, no matter why they happen.

I know a woman who has much the same basic problem...she tries to "have a serious relationship" and issues develop. In her case, I am 82.537% sure that she tries to gently 'adjust' the habits of her intended partner....for his own good, of course. She is a very nice, giving, talented lady who has lived alone for many years, developing her clear ideas on everything from politics to what to have for dinner. I think she has just about decided that your way works best, Little Hawk.

I dunno if I am just totally lucky THIS time, or whether I learned some things from what didn't work before, but we 'make room' for each other's needs and adjust and listen.

There's no one 'right' way for anyone to live and relate to others, but my best answer to "what makes a woman happy" is to listen and learn and try to be aware, even during the inevitable disagreements.