About 15 years ago I had occasion to ride with a young woman for about 40 miles. We no more than got under weigh when she asked if I like country music. I figured by her age she meant modern country music, so I said "No, as a matter of fact, I don't." I don't know why she asked because she immediately turned the radio on and up comes some inane piece of crap like
I love a rainy night"

I felt like a fox in a leg hold trap, tried to lie back and think of England, but it was a horrible experience. By the time I got out of that car my nerves were bleeding. When I got home my mind started turning it over and this is what came out.

                     It sure as hell aint country

I was rolling along on the interstate
In a 18 wheeler two hours late
Searching the dial for a country song
Never did find one...nothing on but rock music
There's an oxymoron.

I picked up a hiker to relieve the gloom
Thought if she's willing I get us a room
Make our own music, no such luck,
All she wanted was my radio.

She found a station that was playing that stuff
Some call country and that was bad enough
Then she started singing along!
Had a voice that would shatter Tupperware.

We rode that way for miles and miles
I tried to talk but she just smiled
Kept on singing with that awful voice
Finally, I knew I had no choice.
I gotta get rid of her, or shut her up somehow.

We stopped at a diner outside Duluth
Found myself a darkened booth
Tried to get friendly but she couldn't hear
She had one of them damned Walkmen stuck in her ear.
Same old rock and roll,
Nuff to make you chew your own leg off.

I dropped her off in my own home town
She opened the door, and 'fore she jumped down
She wanted to know if we'd meet again,
I said "Aint likely, I aint into pain."

I finally walked through my own front door
TV was on going full bore, kid was watching TNN
And that same old racket hit me again.
Can't get away from it, it's like pollution, lawyers,
It's everywhere.

Some guy was pounding a big stack of drums
Screaming something at the top of his lungs
Another had a "Steel" and a cowboy hat
Kid said "What's the matter? you don't like that?
He's singing about the land of the free
I says "Boy, you could have fooled me, but I'll tell you this much,
It sure as hell aint country.

copyright KM