I am the very model of very modern self-restraint
I've never grabbed a hundred or a thousand, never, no I ain't
I never charge at usury on the things that I have lent
And Mom calls me her favorite though Amos thinks that I am bent.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters bibliographical, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of very modern self-restraint.

I know our mythic history, King Khandu's and Sir Tweedledum's
I answer hard acrostics, I never curse the very dumb
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of old Bee-Dubya-Ell
In religion I can tell the heavenly stairs from the floors of Hell.

I can write an acquisitions list in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Ranganathan's uniform
In short, in matters bibliographical, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of very modern self-restraint.