I found it. It's in his book Man of Convictions.


THE ILLITERATE'S ALPHABET
(Sid Kipper)

A is for 'are', like 'are you sixteen?'
Also for 'aural', if you see what I mean;
C's for a 'cue', with which pool is played,
And D is for 'duty', which we try to evade.
Honour your teacher and see you do well,
Then you'll be certain you know how to spell.

E is for 'eye', it's open, you see,
F is for 'F' - with asterisks, three;
G's for the gnat that gnaws on a gnu,
And H is for 'honest' - would I lie to you?

I's not for Einstein, or eiderdown either,
J is for 'Jasmine', no girl could be blither;
K's for her 'knickers', but not those who take 'em,
And L's for 'Llandudno', if I'm not mistaken.

M's for 'Mnemonics' - with initials so neat,
N's in 'conclusive', but not in 'complete';
O is for 'oestrogen', or so they do tell,
And P's for 'phonetics' which help us to spell.

Q is for 'quay', where boats tie along,
But R's not for writing, unless you've writ wrong;
S is for 'sea', which laps on the shore,
And T's for 'Tsunami', which does rather more.

U's for 'Uranus', it is, I insist,
V's for a 'void', which we all try to miss;
W's for 'why', but also for who,
And X is for 'Xerox', and xylophone too.

Y is for 'you', but, then, so is E,
Z's not for Zar - that's C or it's T;
You'll notice I missed out the one before C;
Well, for present purposes, it's an absolute B!


SID SAYS: "George writ this song recent, when he found out that loads of people in prison can't spell proper. Well, it's not easy. Just take two words - 'champagne', and 'shampoo'. See what I mean? Mind you, when I was a boy that weren't a problem because we didn't have either of them. Back then we had real pain and real poo!"


It's from this page.

Robyn