HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

(by the Arrogant Worms, a Canadian musical comedy band)

Once a year we celebrate
With paper hats and plastic plates
The fact that you were able to make
Another trip around the sun.
So all your friends will gather round
And gifts and laughter do abound
And we let out a joyful sound
And sing that stupid song.

Happy birthday! Today you're one year older
Happy birthday! Your life still isn't over
Happy birthday! You did not accomplish much
But you didn't die this year, I guess that's good enough.

So let's drink to your fading health
And hope you don't remind yourself
Your chance for love and fame and wealth
Decrease with every year.
You feel like you're just doing laps
And eating food and taking naps
And hoping that someday perhaps
Your life will hold some cheer.

Happy birthday! What have you done that matters?
Happy birthday! You're starting to get fatter
Happy birthday! It's downhill from now on
Try not to remind yourself your best years are all gone.

If cryogenics were all free
Then you could be like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice.
But instead your time is set
This is the only life you get
And though it hasn't ended yet
Sometimes you wish it might.

Happy birthday! You wish you had more money
Happy birthday! Your life's so sad it's funny
Happy birthday! How much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry so just cut the stupid cake.