As the Chairman of the board and CEO of the NYCFTTS including the James Taylor Catatonic Blandness Rehab Center, I need to report a few problems we've encountered of late.

First, this new Head Nurse is a terrific pain in the ass, lacking in any humanity or compassion, while possibly exhibiting a violent streak a mile wide. She recently threatened to castrate two patients who complained of her treatment. Two days later these two guys ended up heading for spots in the Vienna Boys Choir. Although no one actually was sure she did it, evidence, like the Commando Knife on her belt, pointed in her direction. Needless to say, the investigating police valued their own balls and never asked.

Then there's the nose flute problem. I put that simpleass Skiff in charge of ordering in both kazoos and nose flutes. Since we've lost CIA funding for the crazed tiple-noseflute bands and we've had to go for the best price we could otherwise find. The Koreans made a great bid but the only problem was Koreans have small noses and the damn things were useless. Sadly they sent a second shipment when we complained about the first which that fool Skiff accepted as well. These were MUCH larger....actually they were too big for Jamie Farr or Karl Malden or the ghost of Jimmy Durante! So we're shot-up-shit-outta'-luck til we get some more revenue coming.

Speaking of revenue......I'd rather not. We had a whole monstrous influx of applications when the Bush Regime was falling apart and the mortgage crisis was hovering. The gawddamn bailout sent the whole damn bunch of them to Easy Street instead of the NYCFTTS.

I'm doing my damndest to get things going. Rest assured, I have no Golden Parachute.   I do have a small kite made of ripstop nylon with a huge pink titty in the middle......but that's about it. So I need to get some help in here and some new patients as well. I'm going to assign Skiff as the personal assistant to Nurse Ratched in the hopes they will cancel each other out.....perhaps literally.

I could give a fuck which way it goes.

Regards,

Spaw
CEO,Chairman of the Board, and Original Developer of the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed