It has come to our attention that a person or persons unknown at this address has purloined one or more credit cards belonging to one of our clients and has utilized this/these cards in an unauthorized manner. Please be aware that it is our policy to prosecute such activities to and beyond the limits allowable by law.

It is our intention to (1) subpoena the records of the virtual entity known variously as "Mudcat" and/or "The Mudcat Cafe", (2) determine the true identities of those responsible for these activities, and (3) assure that they are directed to make restitution as well as receive an appropriate sentence of incarceration.

Our research into the activities of the aforementioned individuals indicate that an appropriate sentence would be enclosure in an elevator-like structure for a period not to exceed six months, during which time the Muzak shall be programmed to play only Montovani, as performed by The Thousand and One Strings.

Additionally, we have determined that the individual whose cognomen is "Max" has no liability for these actions, but that the individual known as "Joe" had both full knowledge of them and the ability to terminate them at any time. Further, we plan to request that the appropriate authorities issue an arrest warrant for the person known as "Liz" for indecent exposure and corruption of an invertebrate semi-sentient.