Spaw gave us a wonderful DIY write your own country song kit a few years ago, which was hilarious. I am not going to contest anyone else's views on this important subject, but the boxes I always thought needed to be ticked included family, a cripple, a dog and an unshakable faith in the justice of the Almighty. A humble offering...

Life's Been Good To Me

My mother died in childbirth – my Dad six months before
I was brought up by my sister, who was well known to …sailors
But still I can be happy – the reason is you see
That on the whole I'm lucky – and life's been good to me

Life's been good to me
Life's been good to me
Yes on the whole I'm lucky and life's been good to me.

When starving I stole apples inside the orchard gate
The farmer shot my kneecaps – they had to amputate
But it worked out for the best – yeah that's the way I feel
Cos the prison hospital fed me – and it taught me not to steal

For life is bright and breezy – for more I would not beg
I hop around so easy upon my wooden leg
My one-eyed dog adores me – I'm his Napoleon
And though he sometimes gnaws my leg – he's fun to drag along

I like to count my blessings – I've really no regrets
With fate there ain't no messing – you deserve what you get
You pays your money takes your choice and then you can't complain
I wouldn't change a thing if I had my time again.