My ex used to write the police blotter report for a local newspaper. Some of my favorites:

An armless man was drunk and violent in a tavern. When the police arrive he starts hitting them with his stumps. They have a hard time restraining him because he doesn't have any hands for the handcuffs. The headline, of course: "Police are Stumped"

Two people steal several bags of groceries from a store. They get caught because, as they leave the parking lot, they get in an argument, get out of the car in the middle of a busy four lane road, and start hitting each other with slabs of stolen meat.

Someone tries to steal a cash machine by chaining it to their truck's bumper and hitting the gas. The bumper comes off, and the would-be thief drives away in fear, leaving his bumper -- and his license plate -- behind.

One from California: A man gets convicted of a crime and talks his brother into serving his time for him. Being a good brother, he goes to visit his sibling in jail, carrying not only his ID but a gun.

It seems that many people turn to a life of crime because they are too stupid to do anything else.

On the other hand, the fact that my wife was reading police reports from both the city and the county allowed her to alert the police to a violent rapist who was picking up prostitutes and doing things like burning them with his cigarette lighter. There were two police reports, with the incidences a couple of blocks apart from each other, but in different jurisdictions. The police were able to catch him sooner than they would have otherwise.