Sophocleese: "Hmmm... Is all rascism merely in the heads of those who are "suffering" from it? Is all sexism merely in the heads of weak-brained women?"

No, of course not. The first thing that's needed to identify an "ism" is an accusation. Someone who says "it happened to me." Then you need some reasons why people think a group of people are racist or sexist. "They did/said this." It helps if there's more than one person making a complaint, and it helps if there are objective (to whatever degree possible) witnesses. Then you still have to figure out whether the accuser has misjudged something, is looking for a fight, or whether the accused is an "ist." We don't have any accusations here to work with, just people talking about what they think other people feel. I'll discuss this as a "what if" situation, but I'm not that concerned about "other people." I'd pay more attention to "I feel, this way, and the reason is ___."

As far as "The Mudcat" being anything - nice, welcoming, cliquish, confusing, whatever - it can't. The Mudcat only exists as a place, not an entity. It's the people who come here who make it what it is, and we're a bunch of individuals. The very fact we have different opinions on this issue and aren't afraid to discuss them must mean something. The fact we'll take the same side as someone on one issue, then argue against them on another must mean something. The fact that whenever a baffled new person asks "What the heck are you guys talking about," they get several informative friendly answers must mean something.

I've known folks who feel like they're on the outside of a certain circle. They're given invitations to parties, others have tried to be friendly and welcoming, but they still feel there's a clique and they wouldn't be welcome. There are people around who can't tell the difference between a bunch of friends and a clique, and they'll always remain outside of the circle because that's where they prefer to be. And some inside the circle will be pointlessly wondering what they did to alienate the person.

There are sub-groups of the main Mudbunch. Some of us live near each other. Some correspond by personal messages or e-mail. That started because one person sent another a message. If you're feeling like an outsider, and don't want to, a PM to somebody. Tell them you agree/disagree with something they've said. Ask them a question. Send me one - at least it will get me to shut up in here for a minute or two :-)

Until I graduated from high school, I was always the kid other kids made fun of. First, buck teeth, then pimples. Add in a bit of ADD weirdness. I know what being on the outside is like. Most of the folks I've met in this group seem like that one kid who risks the wrath of the pack, and goes over to talk to the lonely kid in the playground - ESPECIALLY the ones most often accused of being in a clique. Whatever this place seems to others, I've gained a lot of confidence and lost a lot of self-conciousness from being here. I'm hanging around with a bunch of friends. Come into the circle, if you'd like.