Norma,

My husband and I do a fair bit of pastoral counseling and crisis ministry, and it is from this context I share the following.

It sounds to me like Frankie is still in the shock phase of processing what occurred, and that right now he has not yet started the phase more commonly known as survivor's guilt. Processing and healing from that (through that) will almost certainly be an issue to address, thoguh just companioning him as he lives and addresses present-time is most important now.

In companioning, caring adults can help implant the knowledge that Kaelan, his good friend, gave his life not "in vain" but would, as a good friend, certainly want to celebrate all the wonderful things Frankie will experience as his life unfolds-- from what I have heard about Kaelan, and from what we know of youth in general, I would bet that he would want Frankie to embrace life and "make him proud."

Kids that age make huge use of "sideways" wisdom; wisdom offered in relaxed understatement provokes thought, as opposed to the type of insistent agree-with-me communication "middler" adults so often offer instead "for their own good." This is exactly the type of wisdom a grandparent is so often in a position to offer-- our maturity lends a bit of credibility to young people searching not for answers, but for promising clues they can investigate for themselves.

I celebrate all that Kaelan's grandparents gave to nourish that young man, and I celebrate how you will continue to nourish your young Frankie.


Abrazos,

~Susan