So, Amos...waxing a bit defensive? I can understand the terrible emotional strain you must be under trying to keep your involvement in an illicit cross-species romantic affaire with a nymphomaniacal and kleptomanical female chimpanzee swept under the carpet while attempting to maintain the outer image of faithful family man and solid citizen of your respectable San Diego suburban neighborhood. I'm surprised you haven't cracked apart at the seams by now, frankly. It is a testament to the basic underlying strength and resilience of your character, notwithstanding that you have given in to what most would term as an unnatural lust for the "animal" side of life. I feel that a few months or years of intensive counseling at my famed psychiatric facility "Clearhaven" in Schenectady would yield excellent results, allow you to make a clean break with Chinga, and restore your faith in both yourself and others. You will be receiving my card and an introductory set of questions to fill out in the mail shortly. Please do not delay responding! Time is of the essence.

Your servant,

Lance Westmoreland, P.H.D.

p.s. I would appreciate it if your associate Herr Doctor Liebenscheiss would forward me any files or personal reminiscences he has regarding you as these might prove invaluable in your ongoing treatment in Schenectady and hasten a positive resolution. I understand that he cannot treat you himself, as there would be a clear conflict of interest, but his expertise is well known to me, so I see good possiblities in sharing our knowledge of your very unique case.