I liked Brassed Off, hype notwithstanding. I insist we have a brass band, preferably dressed in pink and host an annual competition. And of course, what self-respecting village would not have the godlike genius that is Pete Postlethwaite propping up the bar of the village pub? Smoking or non-smoking? Whaddaya think?

And we have to have a rushcart!

And can we have scary night at the film club in the village hall? Straw Dogs? Witchfinder General?