3.55pm - Having dosed off whilst watching South Pacific, Mrs Poulton wakes suddenly on the sofa as though from a scratch. She looks in the front room mirror to find three parallel claw marks on her cheek, each yielding beads of blood.

3.57pm - Father James answers a call from a rather hysterical female from Rivington village. He is not in the least bit surprised at what she tells him and promises to be over after the racing.

Note: In researching that last bit, I've just switched on Channel 4 and I'm sitting here in a state of mesmerised delight at the ensuing images and atmosphere here on this rainy Saturday afternoon. Can there be anything more English than horse-racing? Anyway, it's finished now, so I dare say Father James will be on his way over to Rivington in his beloved Volvo, there to attend to Mrs Poulton's singular disturbance.