When we work with parishioners we usually find that they are ready to try the least-assisting equipment they can rationalize trying, while they THINK about the equipment they have been told they actually need. It's a constant continuum-- breaking the news about what they might need and helping them learn to use the equipt they can STAND to have, while they think it over. With a patient attitude from the helper or caregiver, they tend to ask for the equipt they actually need when they DO actually need it, and the less pushing they get the quicker they ask for it.

Example: A cane is not giving enough relief.

Doc to Ed: You really need a walker.
Ed: Don't say THAT!
Doc: Try this other cane style, and let's make sure the height is right, and it goes under your LEFT hand....
ED: Hey, that IS better!

Ed, to me, the next day: I use Edith's old walker at home all the time, and you know, it's a big help when I'm cooking. (Ed's son got him a souped-up walker of his own. It's still in the box. Ed will get it out of the box when he needs it.)


With my mom I just try to always be the one person-- because no one else she deals with except her internist can consistently do this-- is to loudly admire her self-reliance and her lifelong good sense about asking for help. I try never to forget that she has ALWAYS been wiser than I am, and that her gray hair hasn't changed that. A bit.

To ME, SHE's always the mom, no matter how childlike she may "present" herself, with me, and she is always the mentor from whom I should be learning rather than the person who should be parented by a mere scrap of a girl.

And my experience has been that until dementia has taken people beyond that attitude from helpers, that same approach has worked tremendously well for all the old folks I know. They train me to do it and they count on me for it, so I find myself explaining it a lot to adult children who are ready, way to early, to become the parent.

~S~