I've had some wonderful pms from some folks in addition to comments on the thread that are very insightful and informative and that lead me toward greater empathy and understanding of where Dad is coming from.

I will reiterate that I am not trying to intervene to get him to change his mind (I'm smart enough and know my Dad well enough to not waste my time running head-long into brick walls.)    I am simply trying to understand his pov. For those familiar with family systems theory, 'twill help me stay out of triangulating, and be equally supportive of both of my beloved parents.

Aware that many of us are not as young as we used to be *grin* , and finding my own mobility and activities, especially gardening and walking/hiking, which is what has kept me somewhat sane for low these many years, beginning to be affected significantly by pain and joint problems, I continue to be interested in the thoughts of others about these issues. I am interested from the pov of the spectator of the family member, the pov of the family member with significant pain and weakness, and the pov of those intimately affected by the choices the family member makes, such as spouses or caregiver children or grandchildren.

FYI, because of the distance I live from my parents, I am not affected on a daily basis by the choices either of my parents make. I am concerned for the well-being of both of them, but am much more spectator than anything else.