You know, I'm not sure it's related in any way to the subject at hand and I'm pretty sure I don't particularly want to admit it..but I do a lot of "well, if I can't afford it--I can't have it and that's that" and "well, if I can't do it I can't have it..and that's that"

the closest label I can pin on it from my angle is that it's a form of shame and I cheat myself as punishment for whatever I'm ashamed of within myself.

and I hope I'm never that self-revealing around here again!
ick