'Seed, RiGGy, ChanteyRanger-- please forgive me, I just couldn't bring myself to come and say goodbye to Joy today...

Right now my friends are at St. Alban's playing a special concert for a dear friend who lost a long struggle with breast cancer a few days ago.

I've been away at Lark Music Camp for the last 8 days, and when I came home briefly mid-week for Dave's birthday, I got the news. Knowing the funeral was today I left camp early for the 4 hour drive home, and got here in plenty of time to change and get out the door. Everything's organized, I have no excuse. I'm dressed, I know the music, the food's all ready to take to her family, but here I sit, glued to the chair and sobbing like a 3 year old. I should be there, and I'm not going to be able to do this day over again if I don't go. It's the right thing to do, why can't I get on with it?

I should be there for my friends, with her family, playing the music we all agreed to play for her. Instead, I'm sitting here staring out the window, rubbing all the fur off my patient little brown cat, singing a song I used to sing with Joy, as the realization is getting clearer that I'm not going to leave.

It's kinda strange-- I don't want to be with people, but the house seems empty, ya know? So I thought I'd check in with you guys...

pj