The Dummard's Tale

I din men ta due eh, I swar, et were an axeedeh, Ba whe she fall, upooon er face, er Grace, Come what may, un et de, It were funny!... She were nigh ontuh a hunard yarn ole, Un she war souch bootyfowl gowns, Magnificen dressays of blues an reds...an browns,... Day cull er da Queen Mudder. Naught da she were gay, da thawt I shudder, Bu she were ole, thas awl. Ann thar I were, jess doin' me job, Stanin' ih line for da queen Mudder, Ann I chuse to eet, sum trohpecal froot, Whilst I were waitin' for da Mudder. Tossing da peel a da bananna ah et, Ore me shoulder da Queen's iyes me met, An she so majestic down da isle she strode, One step a smile, one step bold, Diamonds an rubies, she were sooch a si, Til she slip on me peel, an her majesty dye! Nare were sooch a tarable si, O da Mudder's...leggs fly hi. Ge oop me lady, arr yee al ri? I hollars tu er, she says eye. Well for God's sake lady, push down yer dress!! Says I.