Frequently recited at retirements and senior birthday parties:

Dr Seus on getting old:

I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh my god, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad - can you tell?
My body's drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years
Have come at last
The Golden Years
Can Kiss my Ass