Some years ago, when I was working behind a bar, two groups of people annoyed me intensely. One was the undiscriminate louts who walked in already partially drunk, and asked "Gorrany decent beer?" They usually meant a bottle of Holsten Pils. (They generally swigged this from the bottle. Personally, I think it tastes like battery acid.)

The other, I regret to say, were the "tickers" from CAMRA. Some even tipped some of the pub's product (it had a microbrewery at the back) into polythene bags, to take away for heaven knows what purpose. Untidily dressed and even insanitary-looking people who stared fixedly at me and spoke tangentially in confidential whispers were unnerving at best, and could even put trade off.

I must admit, CAMRA played an important part in the late 1970s and early 1980s, by pointing out that big breweries were engaged in unfair competitive practices, while foisting pre-digested urine on the drinking public.

Incidentally, I stopped drinking about seven years ago; something up with my kidneys caused gout, and bitter beer is rather bad at bringing it on. I'm sure I must have bewildered a few customers. They would ask, "What is [brand name] like?" and I would have to answer, "I don't know, I'm on the wagon." I once broke into a rendition of "Away with rum, by gum", but only friends of mine were in the pub at the time.

By the way, I heard this morning that a brewery in Scotland was criticised for producing a "Tokyo Ale" which was pure rocket fuel. They brought out a "Nanny State" ale, which is one percent ABV.