We wuz sitting in the Hovel, swilling beer and sipping booze
The parkin' lot was fulla cars, pickups an' lotsa hoss
Snotfaced Garry was a-dancin' on the bartop with a mop
An' Filthy Esmerelda was movin' in on Curly Top.

In the midst of all this rowdiness an' gaiety an' such
A stranger walked into the room -- he didn't look like much.
One eye in the middle of his face wuz surrounded by yeller fuzz
Three legs, six arms an' a horn or two above.

But a Stetson wuz perched upon his head, er mabbe a Resistol
An' his boots were scuffed an' bad in need of touch of polishin' oil.
He stood a bit over seven feet tall and knocked the lamps with his head
At the sight of him sixteen took the pledge and trundled off ta bed.

(Ta be continued)