Heard from an elderly (lady?) my partner was transporting to a doctor's appointment last week: "He's so full of himself, he thinks he's King Sh*t from Turd Harbour."

The previous week, during a similar errand, the same client described herself as having been, "busier than a three-balled tom in a cathouse."

I'm beginning to think my partner takes on these jobs just to hear what this wild old woman might say next...