One should always keep one's ear cocked in the presence of sergeants-major, one never knows what novel abuse they will coin.

While in recruit traning, working on the manual of arms, I heard our drill instructor tell one of the troops that he was handling his rifle "like a monkey screwing a football."   I've used that line many times since.

(He was, of course, referring to an American football. A soccer ball would still be funny, but not as much, I think.)

Peter