Crap at Cricket:-

Now, Francis Drake, so history tells saw off those Spanish ships,
And Wellington stuffed Bonaparte with all his Gallic tricks,
Old Adolf couldn't humble us, though he gave it his best shot
With that gallant bulldog spirit we saw off the bleeding lot,
We used to rule the waves , old chap, until quite recently,
But there's one thing I do declare that's still a mystery...

Chorus;-

Why are we crap at cricket, why do we lose all the time,
When we invented the noble game, it seems like such a crime,
We've heard all the lame excuses, the tested and the tried,
And after all New Zealand, they are a world class side,
It's so utterly pathetic, don't know if to laugh or cry,
It's such complete embarrassment to dent the national pride!

There's 18 year old Sri Lankan bowlers who spread terror in their path
What've we got? - thirty something puddings that just make 'em laugh!
As our top and middle order batsmen go down like skittles before lunch,
It's the national sport of fishing wildly outside the off stump,
Old geysers in blazers go "tut tut" and blame the one day game,
But we're crap at that as well, and it's such a bleeding shame...

Chorus:-

Why are we crap at cricket, why do we lose all the time,
When we invented the noble game, it seems like such a crime,
We've heard all the lame excuses, the tested and the tried,
And after all Holland, they are a world class side,
It's so utterly pathetic, don't know if to laugh or cry,
It's such complete embarrassment to dent the national pride!

Play up play up and play the game , keep a stiff upper lip!
We still go down like ninepins then get thrashed all round the pitch,
And if by chance our opening pair knock up a few runs perhaps,
We know it's just a prelude to the middle order collapse,
Enter one stubborn Yorkshiremen who can "eeeh take it on't chin"
"oops, there he goes lbw, and it all seems such a sin...

Chorus:-

Why are we crap at cricket, why do we lose all the time,
When we invented the noble game, it seems like such a crime,
We've heard all the lame excuses, the tested and the tried,
And after all the Scotland under 11's, they are a world class side,
It's so utterly pathetic, don't know if to laugh or cry,
It's such complete embarrassment to dent the national pride!

We'll never hold onto the ashes, let's be completely candid,
Even if the Ozzies bowl underarm, blindfold and left-handed,
We're so completely useless with no bottle and no skill,
Don't you just know that we'll screw up and I suppose we always will!
Is it the lack of long hot summers, or no youngsters coming through?
Eh, 'ang about, we've won the toss, there's something we can do!

Chorus:-

Why are we crap at cricket, why do we lose all the time,
When we invented the noble game, it seems like such a crime,
We've heard all the lame excuses, the tested and the tried,
And after all , those Japanese girl guides, they were a world class side,
It's so utterly pathetic, don't know if to laugh or cry,
It's such complete embarrassment to dent the national pride! Oi!