Come Back, Ebenezer

1.The first Nowell that the angels did say
Was a Noel Edmonds Special upon Christmas Day
All hail to the brain dead forget silent night
Fill up every channel with wall to wall sh**e

2.Away in a manger, no crib for a bed,
They've barcoded Jesus stuck a paper hat on his head
Like cattle we're seething let's make the tills ring,
With big mouths and big bums and obnoxious offspring

Chorus:-

Come back, Ebenezer, when all's said and done,
Put it down to your dry sense of humour
Wheel your trolley to the checkout,
Stick on a false grin
And become a festive consumer.

3.Oh come all ye faithful, oh come ye three kings
Bear the gift of Bing Crosby to make us all cringe
Let's all stuff our faces, and loudly get pissed
Unto us is born Johnny Mathis to drive us all round the twist.

4.Lets deck all the halls with boughs of holly
Fill up the bars with every rentagob wally
It certainly would have advanced peace on earth
If someone had strangled Cliff Richard at birth.

Come back, Ebenezer, when all's said and done,
Put it down to your dry sense of humour
Wheel your trolley to the checkout,
Stick on a false grin
And become a festive consumer.

5.Hark the Herald Angels jingle and wassail
Here's a health to the credit card, to Cliff's wallet all hail
And just for a parting gift to all mankind
That f***ing record by Slade for the 3 millionth time

Come back, Ebenezer, when all's said and done,
Put it down to your dry sense of humour
Wheel your trolley to the checkout,
Stick on a false grin
And become a festive consumer.