Reminds me of the joke about the guy who went to his doc, with a bad dose of the clap.
Doctor said, he should stay away from cheap whores.
Man says he doesn't go with women at all.
Doc asks him what he does to get his rocks off.
Man says, I do it myself.
Doc says, fast, or slow?
Slow said the man.
Ah, then you've got slow hand clap sir.