Just a wee song to raise the musicality quotient. Written by Theresa's Shellback colleague and our mutual friend Mr Ron Baxter, ostensibly for local hairdresser, ukelele maestro and humourous song-writer Richard Grothusen (a.k.a. The Amazing Dick) but pinched by me to raise my quotient of sly songs. The tune I use is more or less "The Garden Where the Praties Grow"/ "The Soor Milk Cairt".

A Gross Mistake                                                        Ron Baxter
                                                        Tune trad. arr. Ross Campbell

I was working down the barber's on a "Tony Curtis" crop,
When an auld lad, about eighty-four, shuffled in the shop;
I said "I'll not be long, sir!", but for a cut he hadn't come;
He said "I'd like a word wi' you - and in private, son!"

"You remember Friday evening, the last time you cut ma hair?
Just as I was leaving, you said 'One moment, sir!
Anything for the week-end?' and I said 'I think I ought
to have a few of they Johnny things - so a gross from you I bought!'"

I said, "Indeed!", I remembered him, for that many I rarely sell;
He frowned as he continued, for things hadn't turned out well;
"Although a hundred and forty-four from you I thought I'd bought -
I'm sorry, son, but you've diddled me, and I find I'm a packet short!"

"Oh!" I said "I'm really sorry, sir, you can have another pack -
Or if you would prefer it, you can have a refund back!"
He said "No, never mind, lad - but I'll tell ye as a friend
To be more careful in future –
                        (spoken) for you spoiled a great week-end!"


All the best, Theresa
Love from Ross