HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! This is AMAAAAZING!!!!!!!

I have waited many years for this honor. What can I say? I am humbled. Yes, humbled, and deeply grateful for being recognized in this manner.

As Amos says, where would I be without Chongo? Where? It's hard to say. There are many I wish to thank for having attained this singular honor, and Chongo and Shane are at the head of the list. I regret to say that Shane has gone into a major depression, and is presently trying to drink himself to death, this being the result of an irresponsible rumour spread by Rapaire to the effect that Jennifer Dana (Shane's unrequited love) is getting married. The entire booze supply in the Blind River region is therefore in great peril. I don't know how it will all end.

But I digress...

I also wish to offer a heartfelt thanks and tribute to some of my UK friends. First and foremost, the remarkable Penelope Rutledge whom we have not heard much from lately. Without Penelope I would not be where I am today. She is a veritable apotheosis of good taste, style, intelligence, character, and fine English breeding, and she represents an ideal to which we can all aspire, though very few of us can ever expect to reach it. Penelope, my hat is off to you! I worship at your feet. If you need your wine glass filled or your dainty shoes polished or your fine chinaware dusted, I am at your immediate disposal!

Then there is the inestimable Olive Whatnoll, whose picture appears above, and her charming husband Eddie, the dart champion of Horse End and the largest free-sitting structure in 'Ull. Olive and Eddie represent the best of the British working class, the salt of the Earth people who weathered the Blitz and sent Hitler and Goebbels packing in 1940-45. Bloody roight, Olive!!!

Then there's William Shatner who taught me everything I know about acting.... Mr Bill, you are my hero.

In the realm of journalism, a vineyard in which I have toiled from time to time, I have another hero from the UK: Hector Ballsworthy, chief editor and originator of the Independent Press, the world's most courageous tabloid. Hector has been the first to advise us of a whole series of dire threats to life as we know it on Planet Earth, and his contribution to human knowledge has been inestimable.

Thank you, Hector!

Then there is Corridus, the plucky little hamster, recently emerged for the second time from his cryogenic vault, a rodent who has boldy gone where no rodents went before. Corridus now seeks to establish the land speed record for rodents, and I wish him all good fortune in that endeavour.

I could go on and on....and I know you would love it if I did...but I am a person who understands forbearance and moderation. I know when enough is enough. Yes indeed. I am not the type who simply rambles on and on and overstays his welcome. Not me. No sir.

So I will finish up by thanking my weiner dog, who is perfectly pictured above. Marvelous choice of picture, Bee-dub, that IS the very dog, and what a noble beast he is! Thank you, thank you, one and all!

Now go watch some Tony Clifton clips on Youtube...and find out what a REAL entertainer sounds like.

;-)