The Night Before Christmas -- for Parents

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:

A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's townhouse to boot!
And, much thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat,
Let no parts be missing, or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions (concise, but not clear),

With each small part numbered and every slot named,
So that if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about:

Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact,
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact.

To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night,
With "assembly required" 'til morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
'Til our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.

The coffee went cold, and the night it wore thin,
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt."

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!

Then off to dreamland, at last sweet repose,
I gratefully went, although I suppose...

There's something to say for those self-deluded:
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!