1. A kipper in a tin is not a proper kipper. These are traditionally bought in pairs. The best I know are from Loch Fyne, or from Craster in Northumberland. One of my Open University geology Summer Schools ended up at the smokehouse at Craster for students and staff to load up with them. You could tell the geologists on the train home! So could the cats.

2. Pantomime is a presentation in text and song of a traditional story, now from a narrower range than in the past. They are usually selected from Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow-White, Jack and the Beanstalk, Puss in Boots, Dick Whittington, Mother Goose & Aladdin. They include popular songs and others appropriate to the story, topical references, sometimes jokes inappropriate for a child audience, though less so recently, transformation scenes, messy scenes with clowns in kitchens, audience participation "Oh no he didn't", "Oh yes he did," "Look behind you", singing a silly song from a drop down sheet, dancers, a few variety acts, a Dame - think the Betty from Morris dancing rather than drag queen, the hero played by a girl in tights and long boots (less so now), the endless struggle between good and evil "Boo, Hiss", and actors sending themselves up something rotten with really hammy acting. Why do you think our actors are so good at villains? Magic.

3. More on squash. It's whole fruit, plus sugar (and colouring and preservative... No fizz. There are technical requirements as to what is described as squash or fruit drink. Not like Orangina. More like lemonade concentrate, but the lemon version is sweeter than that. Do you have lemon barley water? More like that.

4. Pudding - has a very wide definition. Savoury puddings, such as Yorkshire, Steak and Kidney, suet pudding as an accompaniment to lamb or mutton. Sweet puddings which are obviously the same sort of thing as steak and kidney - Sussex pond, marmalade, jam roly poly, spotted dick (and the real thing has been nowhere near fish oil!), bread based puddings such as Queeen of puddings, bread and butter pudding or bread pudding. All solid carbohydrate flour based dishes, cooked. There are cake mixture based puddings, custards (egg type), and gradual movement to the jelly, blancmange, cold type of dessert as mentioned above.

Penny (feeling hungry)