If you think EdT hit it on the head...why stop there> ?????????


How to have an enjoyable International or short flight:

Do not travel alone.
Do not bring liquids or powders or anything in tin foil.
Do not appear nervous or frustrated.
Do not have a thousand yard stare expression.
Do not be seen looking at a map.
Do not say hello to anyone named Jack.
Do not say Yeah man.
Do not discuss that pilots now earn as much as $15,000 a year.
Do not have a name with the consecutive letters AL, AR or MO
Do not wear a tampon.
Do not wear Depends.
Do not use talcum powder.
Do not feel uncomfortable as TSA employees titter and point at your Xray.
Do not go to bathroom on the plane in the final hour of a flight.
Do not use blanket or pillow.
Do not say anything other than thank you to any flight attendent.
Do not say anything other than thank you to a strip cavity search.
Do not take pictures, but smile (only slightly) at all cameras on you.
Do not stare out the plane window.

Do NOT COMPLAIN or ASK for anything (including Orange Juice) even if;
you are on the wrong flight, with a load of poop in your pants from the vaseline strip search, cold as hell because you had to check your bags with your medicine, do not look scared that your cell phone and lap top were left on in your luggage and will catch fire again, see a suspicious guy lighting his underwear on fire (he might just be trying to dry his pants from having peed), appear calm even if your arms and legs go numb, or your in flight snack crawls away on its own.


Do's;


Have a good quiet relaxing time while sitting unmoving with your palms upward and empty, neither staring or appearing tired, in pain or agitated. The airline will assist you by turning down the oxygen to minimal life support levels and allowing exhaust to fill the plane.
Remember the 3 s's
Submit, surrender and sit.

Helpful hint: Appear happy and amused when your luggage is lost.