Chicago Cops Tracing False Messages from Imitators of Fallen Primate

In the wake of the tragic death of Chongo Chimp, one of America's best-known and best-beloved private dicks, a flurry of wannabe imitators have started pretending to be Mr Chimp himsel;f, sending thinly-disguised counterfeit messages from masked computers. According to FBI Senior Investigator, this pattern is typical when a famous person passes on unexpectedly. "It's kinda like denial or something," said Gilbert Presshamm, of the Illinois headquarters of the FBI. "People can't accept it so they make uyp stuff. But we take these imitators very seriously and I can promise them we will find them and correct their behavior for them." According to sources inside the FBI, some of the fraudulent postings came from as far away as Ontario. Mister Presshamm did not comment on how the FBI handles fraudulent messages received from outside the country, except to remark, "We are very well connected with the Mounties and other law enforcement agencies in Canada."

Chimp was unexpectedly killed in the line of duty by an improvised explosive device while tracking a felon into the slums of Kandahar, Afghanistan. His sole surviving relative, a sister, Miss Chinga Chimp, declined to provide any comments for this article.

New York Post, Thursday, December 31, 2009