Obama Extends Honors to Famous Chimp

Washington, January 1, 2010 (API) President Barack Obama, at the prompting of a corps of Marines deployed in Afghanistan, broke with tradition and extended limited military honors to Chongo Chimp, a colorful and famous Chicago resident and private investigator who was killed in Afghanistan this week when his hitch-hiked ride went over a culvert and caught an IED outside Kandahar. Although refusing to award Mr Chimp the Purple Heart, Obama gave orders for his remains to be returned using military transport, in a flag-draped coffin. The remains will then be forwarded to Chimp's sole surviving relative, a madame in Milwaukee known as Chinga Chimp, who also has business interests in Detroit and Chicago. The President said, "Sometimes, the government has to be attentive to individual drama. Besides, the chimp was from Chicago." Miss Chinga Chimp was not available for comment.