I've been doing some laundry and packing for the hospital.

I am trying to stay positive and to be strong but those times are short and interupted by panic and sobbing. I know it won't help anything but I can't seem to get a grip.

I talked to the nurse today and she said I am in FIGO 1 which means my cancer is slow growing. They have not seen it in my cervix which is promising in that nothing has spread. However, they won't know the stage of my cancer or what has spread or to where, if at all, until 2 weeks after my surgery.

I am afraid of they hysterectomy as everyone I have talked to has had it laproscopically or vaginally.....neither are an option for my because my cyst is so big and so is my uterus.

I went to a healing service at church today and cried through the entire thing. Sobbed at some points.

I am a disaster.

I just got a call from a friend of a friend of a friend who had the same kind of cancer but it seems that every situation is very different. She was very kind and encouraging, sharing bible verses that helped give her strength. She prayed with me on the phone and asked that I call her tomorrow when I know the time of my surgery for Friday.

So I was sitting here starting to post and the phone rang. It was the same woman. She is meeting me tomorrow morning in town to give me a prayer shawl.

A complete stranger took time out of her day to talk to me and is driving 20 miles to give me a prayer shawl. I feel so undeserving and blessed in the same breath.

Will this fear every subside? I need some peace.

Michelle

PS. Maggie, I'll be calling....I need a break from the last call....very emotional for me and I am so drained.

PSS. Susan, I'd like to hear more of what you were talking about but not if it's a horror story...I just can't take that right now. I need lots of positives....ask Hardi. I am struggling beyond words. He saw some of it today.