The shawl is a positive. Wrap it around you and feel cocooned in blessed love. The fear will subside, probably, once you get there and are prepped for surgery. This will be partly from the meds, but also from sheer relief that you made it to that point. That's what I felt when I was finally going into the operating room after five months of waiting. It was time to get things over and done with!
The slow growth is another positive. See it stopped in its tracks. Tell it, "thanks, but no thanks, don't need you in my life any more!" Give thanks to your god that it is gone and you are home, healthy and happy.
Also, keep writing about it, your fears, feelings, etc. Let it all out. If you need to share it, fine, if you want it to be private, then do so, but keep writing, if oyu are able and it feels helpful. Don't hesitate to call the nurses, etc.