And finally, Joe....would you kindly let these words stay as well? Again, they're from the link above, but they are Carly's own words, typed on her computer, by herself.

"(THERAPIST ASKING CARLY ABOUT WHY SHE MAKES MOTIONS/NOISES (SELF-STIMULATION))
WHY DO YOU NEED TO "STIM"?
Because if I don't it feels like my body is going to explode
It like when you shake a can of coke and open it just a little
All the coke finds its way out


WHY IS IT DIFFICULT TO STOP?
Its hard to explain. Howie (a therapist) told me all my stims and some of them is just because it help me to be calm
Some of my stims I can't help and really don't want to do but once it starts I can't stop my self


WHEN YOU ARE "UPSET", WHAT DO YOU DO OR NEED OTHERS TO DO TO CALM DOWN?
A lot of times I get upset because people don't understand what I want Even though I spell they still don't always understand


HAVE YOU EVER WRITTEN SOMETHING ON MSN AND SOMEONE READ IT THE WAY THEY WANTED TO READ IT NOT THE WAY YOU WROTE IT?
That happens to me all the time I think the best way to calm me down is to leave me alone Or rethink what I am saying


DOES MUSIC OR DEEP PRESSURE HELP?
I like listening to music it does make me feel good and I like to be squeezed but not usually when I am upset


HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
I am a autistic girl who has learned how to spell and can tell people to stop looking at me like I am helpless

I am cute funny and like to have fun


WHAT SORTS OF THINGS DO YOU LIKE TO DO FOR FUN?
I like to go on msn and I like to beat my brother at connect four
its so funny because he tries so hard
you should see his face when I win

I also like to listen to my dad read me stories I love to swim it help me control my body



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A recent conversation between Carly and two of her autism therapists:


I do want to go to school but I cant Its not that I cant do the same work as allthe other kids

I went to school last year and even did well on test But I could not stay in class because of all my behaviors

I was hard for me to sit in the class without bang or screeming or standing I tride so hard to control it But it is to hard to do when I need to spell and do other things at the same time

My dad said that is why we see the doctor in the hospital she is trying lots of medication to see if she can help me

You say you to want to help me But how can you when you dont know what its like to be me You dont what it feels like when you cant sit still because your legs feel like they are on fire Or it feels like a hundred ants are crawling up your arms

How can you help me when you don't know

Dad and mom say that every one takes test to help let people no what level they are at But I have taken lots of test and I no what I can and can no do

You want me to be in aroom with three kids and concentrate on playing a game I probably cant do in the first place and at the same time try do control behaviors

You don't have to be smart to no what is going to happen I wont be able to play the game

I will scare the other kids and I will feel bad in side and you will make me feel this way for a test How does that help me Don't tell me it shows you what level I am at because you no that is going to happen

I am not really living in my house because of my behaviors I try so hard to stop them but it is to hard I cant walk by food without having a fight with my self

You want me to spell but it take a lot of concentration just to hit one letter on the keyboard

Donna said she cant help me if I don't do what she asks But since when did I need your help

I taught my self how to listen and how to control some of my behaviors and even spell all by my self I dont need your help If its only going to make things worse

How many kids have youever worked with that dont talk but can spell like me

I can do a lot of things that you dont even no about but a test wont get me to show them to you

It is so hard to be me And you would not even under stand I wish I could put you in my body just for one day so you can feel what its like

...

Allmy friends are double my age because its hard for me play with kids with out scaring them

I was asked why I like msn so much its because I can talk to people with out them seeing me hit the table or screaming

I want to clear something up just because I am hitting the table or screaming does not mean I am not reading or listening

I wish I could go to school on msn I could do the work but no one would have to be distracted by my behaviors And I could pay attention more to my work


...

My mom asked me a question that no one ever asks me What do I want

I want not to feel whats happening in my body I want to stay at home and not go to the farm I want to be like every other kid But I cant

Because I am carly

I cant sit for long times or even walk past an object with out having figths in my head I no I cant take that but my mind is fighting with me

I want to be able to go to a school with normal kids but not have to worry about them getting up set or scarred if I cant help myself and hit a table or scream

I want to be able to read a book by myself without having to tell my self to sit still and not close the book and follow each word and concentrate

I want to sit at a table with my mom and dad and worry about my body might do that I might not be able to control

I want to be able to talk to people and have them understand me the first time not respell over and over again Its to hard

...

I see lots of doctors but they all say the same thing they cant help me

Or they say she should take this medication but it never works

What I want is medication that is going to help me not the doctor

I want something that will help me sit

I want something that will put out the fire

I want something to make my feel mouth less silly



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An email conversation between Carly and Globe and Mail reporter Carly Weeks


CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE MEMORIES ARE FROM GROWING UP?

One things I enjoyed the most is listening to my dad read me stories in bed Some other memories I had was crawling in to my sisters bed at night after I woke up and she let me sleep with her she cuddled with me till I fell a sleep I am so lucky to have her


WHAT IS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS YOU'VE EVER HAD TO DO?

I think I would have to say controlling my behaviors It might not seem like I am at times but I try very hard to act appropriately It is so tough to do and people think it is easy because they don't know what is going on in my body They only know how easy it is for them Even doctors have told me that I am being silly but they don't get it If I could stop it I would But it is not like turning a switch off it does not work that way I know what is right and wrong but its like I have a fight with my brain over it


WHAT DO YOU THINK OTHER KIDS WITH AUTISM COULD LEARN BY HEARING ABOUT YOUR STORY AND THE PROGRESS YOU HAVE MADE?

To tell you the truth I don't know

I am a girl with autism that learned how to spell and is now able to tell people what I think Its not like I built a thousand houses in new Orleans or found a way for people who don't have food get food I think the only thing I can say is don't give up your inner voice will find its way out Mine did


WHAT ELSE CAN YOU TELL READERS ABOUT YOU?

I recently learned that dreams can come true and that if a child like me or their parents dream is for them to communicate one day That anything is possible if you believe."


Thank you, Joe. xx