Shane's been abducted by aliens? Not possible! Everyone knows aliens conduct their abductions from the parking lots of Krispy Kreme donut shops. Shane's a Cannuck. They don't have Krispy Kremes in Canada. They have Tim Horton's. If Shane was abducted, it would mean the aliens have greatly expanded the scope of their abduction program to include Tim's as well as KK. Maybe that's what Shane's arrest is all about, huh?

Think about it. If the aliens have gotten brave enough to start taking stoned hosers from Tim Horton's parking lot today, they may be taking boozed up ice fishermen from frozen lakes tomorrow.