This was originally attempted to be posted a couple of days ago, but when I posted it, the Cat had gone offline for repairs and the post vanished off into the netherworld, so I had to rewrite it from scratch
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A little while back, I stated that I tried not cry out loud in the Ward, but it looks like I may have to take that statement back.

As they say, be careful what you wish for, as your wish might come true. While I may not be quite ready for the Old Age Home. I may not be ready for the New Age Home either, as my good intentioned hopes and attempts went afoul. Hear my sad tale....

Last Sunday at 4:15pm, a loose assemblage of caring and concerned Mudcatters of both sexes stopped what they they were doing to send their best healing thoughts and wishes to those with severe medical problems here in the Recovery Ward, as well as elsewhere. I joined in and extended the scope of my good hopes and wishes to include one who works with us patients here at the horse-spittle.

As you may have noticed, for some time I'd had a mad crush on my armless but usually totally disarming Physical Therapy nurse, the incredibly beautiful and lovely and beautiful (Did I say that already?) InterVenus DeMilo (sigh!). After having had the weekend off, she comes into the Burn Ward on Monday morning with two gorgeous new arms, fully restored, put on the right way with real hands on them and everything, just like I'd meditated, wished and prayed for, and a strange look on her face I'd never seen before. There was an exquisite engagement ring on her equally exquisite left hand and the Weird Guy From Radiology (Does he HAVE a name?) was standing in the doorway.

As she approached my bedside, I congradulated her on her recent good fortune and good health that all in the Ward had wished her, none more than I, and reached out to give her a friendly innocent celebretory hug like I'd done in the past, when she suddenly gave me a backhand slap from the hand with the ring on it. I was stunned and shocked, as I'd always tried to sympathize and even empathize (My Brit friends had always considered me pretty much 'armless, as well) with her state. I made a comment on how that was one HELLUVA bedside manner, and she told me that she was through with us all in the Ward, through with this hell-hole, and through with this goddam racket forever because she was getting married and quitting. She raved on about how she was going to be travelling in style from now on and would no longer have to fish out transit or taxi farewith her teeth. It seemed that she'd developed a new 'tude as if she'd become Nurse Ratched's sister and had finally run out of (and on) patients altogether. The arms I hoped would someday hold me, now forever hold me at arms length.

The Weird Guy From Radiology gave the room a shit-eating possum-smirk of self-satisfaction. He walked in to escort her out of the Ward and out of my life forever and as they both walked off with a satisfied glow (his a bit more pronounced and somewhat eerily phosphorescent, as befits his profession), I could now see the error of my ways and the aura of theirs. Then she, being of Italian upbringing, turned around to give us all the famed Italian gesture of love and sympathy where she slaps the left bicep with her right palm while crooking her extended arm upward at the elbow.

Upon doing this, her left arm seperated at the shoulder socket and, in a perfect shot, went spiralling backwards, landing with a loud clang in a wastebasket. Her intended rushed to retrieve the arm, and after shaking it and wiping it off a bit, he gave a few furtive glances around the room and hoped nobody would notice him slipping the ring safely into his pocket. Could the wedding be off, perchance?

Staff was called for to clean and clear out the Burns Ward and I haven't seen or heard about either of them since. I only hope that if I meet her again it would be in my side of therapy, where Nurse Wretched has taken over with a vengence. I wonder if they have a Heartbreak Ward they can send me to, or, maybe as a compromise, a Heartburn Ward to kill two gulls with one stone.

So I hope you don't mind my turning on the waterworks every now and then, as I reckon I've paid my dues in full and have earned the right. Thanks for listeng to my somewhat lengthy tale.







So how's YOUR day gone?.....