Sins,

    The pills I'm taking at night are not sleeping pills per say, they are more to help me relax so I can get a good night's sleep which SHOULD help ease the intense morning anxiety. I was skeptical but you know what? It's working and I am happy to not be balled up in a knot of fear sobbing until 10:00am or later.

   And the hair. I know it's vain but I don't want to lose it...I don't think anyone does....and at this point, for all I know, I might NOT lose it. Not only will I be more hideous than I already am but I have a life long habit of playing with my hair as a comfort....so there's a fear there of taking away something that is self soothing. So...I talked to my hair dresser and if my hair starts to come out, before it gets all scraggly, she is going to put it into lots of little pony tails and cut them off one by one. This will allow me to still be able to feel the softness of my own hair. I've looked at wigs, turbans, hair halos and the like....I don't know what I want in that line so I suppose it will be a wait and see kind of deal. The American Cancer Society has a program called Look Good Feel Better. These classes are run by beauticians and they have all kinds of wigs/turbans/etc for us to try on. They also will do make up tips and send me home with lots of makeup and I believe a wig or two. I had to register with the ACS and requested that my mom be able to come along. The woman on the phone didn't know if that was allowed but later she called me back to say that would be fine and that makes me feel better...to have someone along for support.

As far as driving goes, I ALMOST did some yesterday but decided I was tired and wanted to stay home. I'd like to go to church tonight but because church is about 40 minutes from our home, I'm not sure I'll be going. I hate to ask my husband to drive me there as he is on the road all week and is not interested in going to the service. I MIGHT drive myself. We shall see. The Dr. said that once the staples were out and I was off the pain pills, I could drive. We shall see.

I'm cold this morning (picture this: giant gray sweat pants, a long sleeved, long green and blue flannel nighty, a shawl around my shoulders and a blue blanket in my lap....lookout Miss America, you've got competition!!!!

I have been invited to a baby reception this afternoon and am looking forward to holding the beautiful baby Audrey!

Michelle