Hideous????
That comment made me think of the Getaway. The first night we are all at our best, a little tired from the commute but up and happy. Day 2, after stating up way past midnight we look a little less attractive. By Day 3, we are all tired and look it, slightly grubby from dressing on the run, and maybe a bit hung over. Outsiders would probably see a bunch of middle-aged messy people who ought to know better. We see only the beauty of friends sharing their music.

No amount of surgery, lack of sleep, crying or just feeling miserable could make you hideous to your real friends. Your husband feels the same way - grateful to have you home and alive. To yourself? That is something you will have to come to terms with. Your cancer group will help you.

With the loss and pain comes a knowledge of how beautiful and precious life is and how fleeting is superficial beauty. It will come to you eventually.