Below is taken from the prologue of John Elder Robison's wonderful book 'Look Me In The Eye - My Life with Asperger's' and a link to where you can get the book is at the bottom of this post...


>>>>"Look me in the eye, young man!"

I cannot tell you how many times I heard that shrill, whining refrain. It started about the time I got to first grade. I heard it from parents, relatives, teachers, principals, and all manner of other people. I heard it so often I began to expect to hear it.

Sometimes it would be punctuated by a jab from a ruler or one of those rubber-tipped pointers teachers used in those days. The teachers would say "Look at me when I'm speaking to you!" I would squirm and continue looking at the floor, which would just make them madder. I would glance up at their hostile faces and feel squirmier and more uncomfortable and unable to form words and I would quickly look away...........................

Everone thought they understood my behaviour. They thought it was simple. I was just no good.

"Nobody trusts a man who won't look them in the eye!"
"You look like a criminal!"
"You're up to something, I know it!"

Most of the time, I wasn't. I didn't know why they were getting agitated. I didn't even understand what looking someone in the eye meant. And yet, I felt ashamed, because people expected me to do it and I knew it, and yet, I didn't. So what was wrong with me?

"Sociopath" and "psycho" were two of the most common diagnoses for my look and expression. I heard it all the time. "I've read about people like you. They have no expression because they have no feeling. Some of the worst murderers in history were sociopaths."

I came to believe what people said about me, because so many said the same thing, and the realisation that I was defective, hurt. I became shyer, more withdrawn. I began to read about deviant personalities and wonder if I would one day "go bad" Would I grow up to be a killer? I had read that they were shifty and didn't look people in the eyes.

I pondered it endlessly. I didn't attack people.I didn't start fires. I didn't torture animals. I had no desire to kill anyone. Yet. Maybe that would come later, though. I spent a lot of time wondering whether I would end up in prison. I read about them and determined that the federal ones were nicer. If I were ever incarcerated,I hoped for a medium-security federal prison, not a vicious state prison like Attica.

I was well into my teenage years before I figured out that I wasn't a killer, or worse. By then, I knew I wasn't being shifty or evasive when I failed to meet someone's gaze, and I had started to wonder why so many adults equated that behaviour with shiftiness and evasiveness. Also, by then, I had met shifty and scummy people who DID look me in the eye, making me think the people who complained about me were hypocrites.

To this day, I find visual input to be distracting. When I was younger, if I saw something interesting I might begin to watch it and stop speaking entirely. As a grown-up, I don't usually come to a complete stop, but I may still pause if something catches my eye. That's why I usually look somewhere neutral..at the ground or off into the distance...when I'm talking to someone. Because speaking while watching things has always been difficult for me; learning to drive a car and talk at the same time was a tough one, but I mastered it.

And now I know it is perfectly natural for me not to look at someone when I talk. Those of us with Asperger's are just not comfortable doing it. In fact, I don't really understand why it's considered normal to stare at someone's eyeballs.

It was a great relief to finally understand why I don't look people in the eye. If I had known this when I was younger, I might have been spared a lot of hurt...................


....Asperger's syndrome isn't all bad. It can bestow rare gifts. Some Aspergians have truly extraordinary natural insight into complex problems. An Aspergian child may grow up to be a brilliant engineer or scientist. Some may have perfect pitch and otherworldly musical abilities. Many have such exceptional verbal skills that some people refer to the condition as Little Professor Syndrome. But don't be misled, most Aspergian kids do not grow up to be college professors. Growing up can be rough.....................

.....All my parents knew was that I was different from the other kids. Even as a toddler an observer would have thought that I was not quite right. I walked with a mechanical, robotic gait. I moved clumsily. My facial expressions were rigid, and I seldom smiled. Often I failed to respond to other people at all. I acted as if they weren't even there. Most of the time, I stayed alone, in my own little world, apart from my peers. I could be completely oblivious to my surroundings, totally absorbed in a pile of Tinkertoys. When I did interact with other kids, the interactions were usually awkward. I seldom met anyone's gaze.

Also, I never sat still. I bobbed and weaved and bounced. But with all that movement, I could never catch a ball or do anything athletic. .....

....If I were a child today, it is possible that an observer would pick up on those things and refer me for evaluation, thereby saving me from the worst of the experiences I describe in this book.. I was, as my brother said, raised without diagnosis.

It was a lonely and painful way to grow up.

Asperger's is not a disease. It's a way of being. There is no cure, nor is there a need for one. There is however, a need for knowledge, and adaptation on the part of Aspergian kids and their families and friends. I hope readers-especially those who are struggling to grow up or live with Asperger's-will see that the twists and turns and unconventional choices I made led to a pretty good life, and will learn from my story.

It took a long time for me to get to this place, to learn who I am. My days of hiding in the corner or crawling under a rock are over.

I am proud to be an Aspergian...."



Excellent reviews on here..and it's a brilliant book. I'm in the middle of reading it at the moment..

'Look Me In The Eye' by John Elder Robison (Amazon)


John talking about his book - Youtube