This is JUST FOR LILYFESTRE, and only because I know her fairly well IRL.

Michelle, here's a thought about a process I have used, have helped others use, and can heartily endorse.

In brief, I call it "prevenient grieving." Prevenient GRACE is a concept Hardi can fill you in on, in classical theology.

P-grieving as I have experienced it is related, and it's basically doing exactly what you are already doing, BUT with one key difference. I stumbled upon this by accident when I pre-mourned a breakup I knew was coming? (I KNEW it NEEDED to happen but I was afraid of the loneliness?) As I anticipated dumping this one guy, I just cried and cried. But when I actually got the courage to break up with him, I was able to do it "softly," really wished him the best, took responsibility for my own end of the problems, and felt FINE!

So I started using it in peer counseling, and other folks had the same experience, when I combined it with another powerful peer-counseling technique of only looking at the upside of an issue. Looking SO FAR UP that tears and laughter MUST bust out. Loud, active weeping with a big ole grin on the face. With laughter punctuating the heaviness.

And you can do this "hair-mourning" (adding prayer as Hardi suggests?) without a peer/partner!!! With your mirror! You can slick back the hair so it "disappears" and use your mirror to look at it while shouting the triumphant "triple exclamation points" that go with overcoming the cancer. "Hey, cancer, I'm throwing my HAIR at you, and it's powerful hair, so LOOK OUT, cuz yer GONE, baby, GONE GONE GONE!"

Get the idea?

By the time you lose some hair-- do this before the haircut if you can-- the sadness will be gone and the peace will remain.

THE PEACE CAN REMAIN.


Maxine (of cartoon fame) has one item I really like, too, and you can stealk it from her.

Live every day as if Satan shakes when he hears your feet hit the floor. "Oh no! She's awake!"

Well heck, "cancer" can go into any prayer that emotions "the enemy." I bet the BCP is full of them, and it's online, searchable.

===

You see, I don't think strngth equates to efforts to avoid, ignore, or deny ANY feelings that go with all this. I think you just need to put your best self in the driver's seat to meet them head-on. Instead of working hard against inner drives to make yourself feel better in short spells, you can claim peace as a permanent companion, both secularly and spiritually.

(What if cancer is just a mere tool you can use to build that very nice life you and Pete are working on?)

~Susan
cc: Hardi