What a shame that nobody has yet bothered to try to transcribe this, after Martin, a non-native English speaker, made such a polite and reasonable request 4 weeks ago! It's not that easy even for me to understand, either, but at least I'm game enough to try. I would appreciate any suggestions for the missing or incorrect words:


NAUGHTY SAILOR'S ALPHABET
By Dave Swarbrick

A is for arsehole, all covered in hair.
B's for the blowjob after which we don't care.
C is for cunt that doth glisten and pong.
D's diarrhea; that's shit all gone wrong.

CHORUS: Merrily, merrily, so merry sail we.
No mortal on earth like a sailor at sea.
Heave away, haul away, the ship rolls along.
Give a sailor his gobble(?) and there's fuck-all goes wrong.

E is for eunuch with only one ball.
F is for fucker who's got none at all(?).
G is for the gobble which we've already had.
H is for the handful which can't be that bad.

I is for incest; that's fucking your mum.
J is for ...(?)
K is for knickers all torn off and stamped on.
L is for ...(?)

M is for morals; we hope you have none.
N's for the nasty that belongs to the nun.
O is for orifice; that's long for a hole.
P is for penis; that's prick to a frole(?).

Q is for question; that says "Do you fuck?"
R is the answer, like, "Hard fucking luck."
S is for shit, what a whole fucking lot!
T stands for trotters(?) and ...(?) and twats.

U is for uniform, pref'rably school.
V's for vagina; that's cunt only cool.
W's for wanking; that's caning our cocks.
X is the experiment of fucking your socks.

Y is for y-fronts all skid-marks and grimy.
Z is for zallocks; it's wrong but it's rhymy.
There's butter and cheese and they're all on the shelf.
If you want any more then go fuck yourself.