Listen, Shane. About that bear idea - it's brilliant except for one thing. What if there is some innocent bystander (dog, male prostitute) in the house and the bear goes for the wrong target? Somebody could get hurt and you'd get in trouble.

Here's what you do. Get with the neighbors and arrange to play loud music that'll drive him out. (Play it when you're not home yourselves.) I've been thinking of good music for this.

1. the Carpenters - anything

2. John Denver's Greatest Hits (remember that album? Only one selection was actually a hit. The rest were 3-note message songs.)

3. early Barbra Streisand (before she got breath control)

4. Annette Funicello: Teenage Years

5. Paul Anka- anything

5. Melanie (I guess she didn't have a last name.)

It might cost something to locate the recordings and get them in the right format, but you could probably get grant money for improving the neighborhood.